9 posts tagged “guys”
Gym has always been my favorite place,
Lately it has become more of a home,
Ever since I noticed your lovely face,
You have activated my stalking syndrome.
I see you sitting beside her,
The scrawny girl you date with the short hair,
If you had to choose; who would you prefer,
I bet we'll be so happy together
The way you look at me sends chills down my spine,
I can't concentrate; I'm losing my mind,
If only I knew you deeper and closer,
You'll know that I'm a keeper.
Approaching you is not an option; I'm so shy,
But from far I watch you like a spy,
If only you could just come to me and say hi,
Smile at me and look me in the eye.
Everything reminds me of you,
My mind wanders and your face comes into my view,
I seriously do not know what to do,
I like you but I'm not one to pursue.
Written by me. Please cite if you want to take it.
My dad often mention about escapism when he starts his psychology talks with me in the car. He loves reading and in the recent years, psychology has been his favourite topic. Escapism is:
"...mental diversion by means of entertainment or recreation, as an "escape" from the perceived unpleasant aspects of daily stress. It can also be used as a term to define the actions people take to try to help relieve feelings of depression or general sadness." (source: Wikipedia)
Dad says that generally most people feel the stress and pain from living in this world. There is so much pain everywhere that the only thing we can do is try to escape it by doing things such as walking the dog, watching television, play badminton, etc. It may seem like a normal thing to do but psychologically there is a meaning behind every action. People who do not stand by morals or religion might go for smoking, drugs and fornication as a form of escapism. It could be family problems, or trouble fitting in, life is life because there are problems. If you don't have problems, it probably means you're not alive either.
To relate this to my current situation, I think I'm having some form of escapism right now. I run away from the fact that I'm having exams with my so-called 'attraction' to guys. I spend my time talking to my friends about guys, finding out information, checking out guys, FB stalking them and just spending more time thinking about them than studying. Before this, it was a completely different story.
Ever since I became single, I have not even attempted to look for a boyfriend. Usually I just go about with my own agenda, going to college, gym, church and then back home. I didn't use to check out guys anymore either. I simply learnt how to live a single life (for now). I guess the fear of exams have driven me out of my 'single-mentality'. Lately I take notice of certain guys at church and at the gym (college guys are too young for me). And I fall for them based on purely physical attraction. Sigh. And I thought I was SO over that phase.
OK I'm just babbling now because I want to escape from studying. Point is, if there's a will, there's a way. If I'm willing to face my adversity, I am able to overcome it. :D
It was the difference in religions that drove us apart. Here I am almost 3 years later, looking retrospectively at another relationship that failed. It seems to be more vivid and 'in-your-face' than it really is because it was the last actual relationship with a guy I had. I almost remember every single argument but never really the good times where we would go around town camwhoring and enjoying life. I was young and stupid but he was younger and even more stupid. I may be playing the role of the bitter ex but really, he was such a childish person. He reminds me of a younger brother but even my brother seems more mature in comparison.
Difference in views and beliefs are sometimes the determinant in a relationship. It can either rock it or make it even more solid. Although the term 'opposites attract' works for some, when I was with this guy, I always felt that what he believed in turned me off. Call me unfair but I just thought what kind of person is that, that does not believe in God who is so obviously present and guiding us everywhere. That miracles happen and why things work out the way it is. That how can we even exist and live without the breath of God and as his marvelous creation. My ex was always so analytical in everything. He scrutinized every fact of life even our very first kiss! Even every emotion or feeling was a scientific affair for him, not something that comes from the heart. He was the one and only robotic ex I had and sometimes I get amused recalling how he is so stiff and detached from relationships with anyone.
Every human being has the emotional quotient and intelligence quotient. For him, it seems that the emotional quotient is lost in him. It was hard to tell if he was happy or sad or angry. Once he told me that he had expressed sadness in private over our breakup (mind you, we broke up 3 times). I was taken aback because this was a guy who always had a protective shield around him. He masked emotions like a phantom and never really had a human touch.
After the final and most 'successful' breakup, he avoided me like a plague. He never returned calls, messages or even chat initiations on IM. I guess it was for the best because when we tried being friends we ended up getting back together and each separation became even more heartbreaking than before. Like all my other relationships, I became withdrawn and depressed after the breakup. I felt worse when I realized that we shared almost the same interests except for religion. I see him around sometimes, because he lives near me. Now, I no longer want to keep in touch with him. Every time I see him it is like seeing a mother-in-law. I avoid him as much as I can so that there will not be any awkward moments. I think about a year after our breakup, during Valentine's day I SMSed him to wish him Happy V-day. He didnt know who was the sender of the SMS but I told him it was me. He didn't reply since then.
Right now, I feel that I've grown into a more mature person. I will never jump into relationships so easily as before. In fact, I'm going to make sure the next guy matches my criteria and share the same beliefs as I do. At times I feel attracted to the wrong type of guys but I must stand by my resolve to date compatible guys.
Aren't they amazingly gorgeous? With the onslaught of gladiator shoes cropping up from shoe labels such as Aldo to Nine West, it IS this season's must-have even though the rage started and died down back in 2006. I reckon it didn't really catch on till now, when another season essential, short shorts made a comeback. They make a perfect match with some gladiator sandals are almost up to the knee and short shorts make legs seem longer. Anyway, enough of this fashion talk. Updates!
I haven't really been talking about college life because I find it may bore readers to death (are there even any readers?) or I may fall asleep while typing. But since finals start on Friday I might as well mention that I have 11 topics to cover which involves 2 books and some PPT slides. I'm SO not liking it that I have to skip gym tomorrow so I can finish up. I regret zoning out during classes now. Wait, that's what I've been doing since the beginning of my education XP I better do well or else I won't be able to study abroad.
Andddd... our fave topic. BOYS. I seriously don't want to make a move but I do wanna get to know them. Will I have to wait till kingdom comes? Seems like boys nowadays are not interested in making a move or not even interested at all. With my luck, I don't think anyone wants to go near me. I find myself unapproachable. I don't know why. Maybe its how my face is structured where there is a permanent blank look on my face or something that make boys run away. I notice how my friends get approached so easily. All they do is just give a look and the boys come running. LOL.Anyway, I'm gonna go on IM now and talk abt boys with Eve. : )
Every once in a few years, after I got dumped/dumped someone, I would feel the moments of loneliness and I just want to go out there and meet someone to fall in love with. In really rare occasions do men fall on my lap so easily. Usually it takes effort of me approaching some poor unassuming guy or something along the lines of that. I don't want to look like a desperado but if you're a person like me, staying single for long just sucks sometimes. For the past year I just admired men in my gym from a distance. When you're the (possibly) oldest girl in your entire college, there's no way you're gonna find the perfect older guy. So the men in my gym it is. Its weird calling them men because about a year or two ago, I acknowledged them as guys or boys but since I'm no longer a girl but a woman, it is more adequate to call them men.
At the end of last year it was one or two guys whom now I have not seen anymore in the gym or is attached. Then the beginning of the year there was one but I didn't do anything either. Now, there is about 3? One from class, whom I Facebook-stalked. One who looks like the another one. Sounds confusing? I think I mentioned it before. MDG..and MDG 2. MDG is the one whom I saw modelling for Fashion on 1. I got a shock of my life when I saw him on the catwalk. What are the chances right? MDG 2 is a guy who comes to class sometimes and he looks a little bit like MDG from far.
It was easy to find the guy from class because I knew who his friends were and his friends knew my friends on Facebook. So it was easy to search. But for MDG and MDG 2, I don't know who their friends are and they come to gym alone. From past experiences I learnt not to ask guys for their names or any other information. Too many embarassing situations :(
From the day I started reading chick literature, I knew I was hooked. My first acquisition was 'Confessions of a Shopaholic' by Sophie Kinsella. Throughout my 20 years of life before that day, I thought chick lit was degrading, serving its purpose as an escape from the real world for bimbos who thinks fictional bestsellers (aside from chick lit) were boring. With my experience with Shopaholic, I realized I found my secret indulgence besides chocolate. Yes, I do love my Memoirs of a Geisha and Prozac Nation but if I needed some light reading, it would be a copy from the Shopaholic series or lately, Gossip Girl.
Eventhough my life would never even have the littlest bit of resemblance of the characters' lives, it is good to let my mind wander off to a world where buying a $1000 top is an everyday chore and doing manicures and pedicures is a fortnightly affair. On top of that, the idea of a hot, wealthy bf/husband/sex partner would pretty much complete the ideal chick lit character life. Lives of socialites such as Paris Hilton and Lydia Hearst always amazed me. That they have so much money to spend, it didn't matter if they dropped a hundred dollar note on the floor.
Another thing I love about chick literature is the wild romances, shopping adventures, extensive travelling and the unlimited amount of drama and trauma. Trauma in the sense that the last Manolo Blahniks that were on display got sold out before you can even say Manolo. I sometimes liken myself to a fashionista and a bimbo but somehow I never quite play that part well. Firstly I think the way I dress is too shabby or plain to be even called a fashionista. Secondly, although I have my fair share of fails in my exams, I think I'm an average person with average grades and average intellectual.
Also, a missing accessory is a bf/husband on my arm. I don't need or lust after any man right now. Back in those days, when I was a silly teenager with braces and glasses, I would go boy-crazy and have crushes on 5 different guys at the same time. But somehow as I grow older, the appeal of males have lessened. No longer do I feel that heart hammering under the ribcage feeling. In fact, I stopped my hobby of boy-watching and instead read my chick lit and watch my soap operas online. My other hobby is of course gymming but there hasn't been any guy that takes my heart lately, especially at the gym where there are the only eligible guys whom I can date. People from my college are about 2-4 years younger than me and I realized that dating younger guys is no longer an option for me.
Furthermore, degree is no walk in the park. I've learnt my mistakes and I'm not going to repeat them. From this semester onwards I shall strive to do well no matter what. So far my grades have been average but the latest assignment, it has been not that good. HD is wishful thinking but I was thinking of a D or C. From the looks of it, my grades are heading to the C direction. I better buck up and revise all my assignments before I pass them up. Gotta finish up two assignments by today and then I'll have a good Mother's Day weekend in Pangkor.
Even if another person comes into my life and we fall in love, he will always be in my heart. I've learnt this through dozens of crushes and relationships. Through it all, I still like him just like the first moment I rested my eyes on him. Sometimes I wonder what is his appeal. If I were not myself, I wouldn't think he's good-looking. I don't know him that well but based on my judgement and on other peoples' opinions that know him personally, he is funny, smart, kind, sweet, caring, friendly and the whole shebang. To me, he seems like the perfect 10. Perhaps it is from years of having the idea of who he is, not knowing who he is. I've created the perfect person in my head and I based it on him. What triggered this post? Well, if you're in my neighbourhood or friends list you would have read the past entry about another guy whom I just recently lusted upon.
I attempted to add him in Facebook to no avail. Besides, I won't be seeing him anytime soon so I decided to forget him. Also, the moment I thought about him, the new guy just disappeared out of my mind. Today I went to church for a meeting. I had to leave early because my dad was already outside waiting to pick me up. Then as I was walking out I saw him. He was looking right at me. Time and space stood still (OKAY I'm being dramatic), but all I know is I realized I never stop liking him since more than 5 years ago. I still remember it was July 2002 that I first saw him playing drums in a red polo shirt. The funny thing is the minor detail like the shirt he was wearing. He seems so young at that time. He has matured since. I also realized that as the years go by, the feelings grew. But around a year or two ago, he found a woman in his life and I have given up since then. But the feelings remained unchanged. When will your face fade away?
Who said being hot and having washboard abs are everything? I, for one almost believed it when I saw F at the gym. Well, maybe not the abs yet before, but after yesterday I came into conclusion. That I discovered he has a set of really beautifully sculpted abs and that he sucks at Body Combat. Today I discovered something even more interesting; he has horrible work ethics. His shift is from a certain time to a certain period and he never comes for his shift and spends most of his time flirting with girls more than working.
The Body Combat performance (or lack thereof) was revealed when he stood in front of me during the class. His coordination and techniques were wrong. When the crowd went left, he went right. When they did upper cuts, he did jabs. Maybe he wasn't so good at it was because he hardly goes for the classes, he explained to the instructor. But, Body Combat is the most straightforward aerobic class! All you have to do is just follow the instructor, be his mirror-image.
F is the type of guy any straight girl would do a double take. OK, maybe I'm exaggerating. But he does look cute. He looks like his age, 20 this year according to sources. He's fair-skinned, Chinese and has an average height. Although he does not have chiseled good looks like some guys do, he has a face that people will remember. I asked a few of my girlfriends what they thought about his looks. They said he is not bad.
Another thing I heard about him, from a guy who claimed to know F's ex is that F cheated on that particular ex. Sometimes I wonder if I should listen to all this rumours or just get to know the guy personally. I have yet to smile or say Hi to him. He seems nice but I'm just too shy to make the first move. Of all four of my friends whom I asked about him, all of them discouraged me from having an interest in him. Seriously, it is like I don't even have the slightest chance, much less a shot at trying. But I did say that I will never date a younger guy anymore. And F doesn't look like the kinda guy I would have a long-term relationship with. Back to the drawing board (room?)
Currently I'm at the college's computer lab doing my assignment and my other favourite past time - oogling at eye candy. For this particular boy, whom I'm gonna name baldie (duh, because he's bald obviously), is someone interesting I saw on the first day of the semester. I was queuing up to buy a drink and he was right in front of me. I thought he was either Korean or Japanese because of his features. He looked quite cute to me but the moment he glanced at me, I looked shyly away from him. He bought his food and left and it was my turn to get my drink. Since then I thought I wouldn't see him. Until now.
As of right now he is a row in front of me. He came into the computer lab with two friends. At first I couldn't decipher what language were they talking. Then I realized baldie was speaking English with a British accent! What an interesting find. However, as soon as I found that out I also found out that he was actually oogling at girls on Friendster. I think this is what he told his friend, "Guys, these girls are my girlfriends", while looking at a photo of two Asian girls kissing. I was thinking, 'So he's not as matured as I thought'. I was concentrating on my work so I didn't pay much attention to what he was doing although his computer screen was visible from where I was sitting. Later on while CL and I printed our assignment, I heard him telling his friends about the car he has from the photos he was showing them. Typical teenage guy. Girls and cars.
From then on, I didn't find him as appealing as before. Its not that I prefer him to look at guys but, PLEASE. Lesbian girls? Haha, what a weird fetish. I find it a turn-off to see guys kissing but I'm not anti-gay at all. They can do whatever they want, just not in front of me! Oh and btw, remember this post about Richard? Well, apparently this gay that I used to/like is now engaged with his boyfriend. Tough luck, ain't it?
